Rejection – Three Stages of Recovery

 

© I.Woloshen

Oh, boy…how many of us have had to go through some kind of rejection in our lives? It would be pretty unusual to meet someone who hadn’t! As positive a person as you might be (and I am!), there is nothing that will get you through the pain of rejection other than simply going through it. In the business of music, you are going to face a lot of rejection. And you are probably going to take it pretty personally at first, especially being a creative type, because whatever you write literally feels like it is a part of you, and having someone reject your song, your music, feels like it is a rejection of YOU! A figurative slap in the face. But of course, it isn’t. The person rejecting your music doesn’t know you, and has probably had to reject a thousand other songs/artists in the past, so it becomes a very matter-of-fact process for them. This is the very first step you have to take in recovering from such a rejection: realizing that it isn’t personal.

I remember my first negative review of one of my CDs…while it wasn’t blatantly horrible, it said a few things that made me cringe…that I sounded like everyone else, that I had little originality. The reviewer wished I done more this and less that. At first I felt like someone had just slugged me in the stomach. My thinking got pretty defensive, and I ranted to anyone who would listen  Eventually I got past the emotional stuff and was able to remind myself that IT IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME!! This is a major key, folks. That reviewer was listening for what HE wanted to hear, and didn’t get it. Oddly enough, all of the positive response I got had somehow been overshadowed in my head by that one review…isn’t that stupid? And yet there were lots of people who loved the CD! Once I had settled down, I also realized I had learned something really important. There’s a difference between someone simply not liking what you do, and actually having some problems that need fixing. You’ve got to learn the difference between these two things! If a publisher says your song doesn’t fit the genre they’re looking for…it doesn’t mean your song is bad, it means THE SONG DOESN’T FIT WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR. It’s amazing what we ‘hear’ in a rejection, even if it really isn’t there!! In the beginning you’ll almost always confuse what you hear with what they’re actually saying 

So let’s nail down a few things you are going to need to know. First of all, what you feel is what you feel and it is silly to try to suppress those feelings…so feel ’em. Let yourself be hurt, angry, depressed, whatever. If you deny them, you’ll be asking for trouble. Those feelings will show up unexpectedly in other ways that don’t have anything to do with your songs.

The next stage will be a little easier…the emotions will lessen to some extent. This is when you can start looking at what went wrong and distilling it down to the stuff you can’t do anything about, and the stuff you can. Ever heard the serenity prayer? It talks about having the wisdom to know the difference between what you can’t change and what you can. You can’t change someone else’s taste in music! Duh! They like what they like and that’s it! Later on, I talk about how to handle a critique…but let’s assume you send a song out to a bunch of publishers, and some of them send a kind of report back to you about the song. They all reject it, and have different things to say, but then you notice that several of them say the same thing. THIS is what you pay attention to! For instance, maybe they don’t like the lead vocal. HEY! You could find another vocalist! There’s an idea 

The third stage has to do with taking the steps you need to try again. Some people never make it to this stage or the second. That’s because they’re still stuck in the first one…still ranting about some reviewer or some publisher’s rejection of their songs. If that’s where you want to be, well no one can change that. I have learned, however, that the more you go through the process of rejection, the faster you’ll go through the first stage. You’ll recover more quickly because you’ll KNOW HOW TO. In Nashville, it takes an average of 7 years for a songwriter to get anywhere near having a cut on an artists album. SEVEN YEARS of rejection. Could you handle that? One after another after another?

There is one more type of rejection I want to talk about. It’s called “indifference”. I almost hate that one more than outright rejection. An example of it might be when you’re sitting in a place playing your heart out and nobody’s listening. Nobody. Your head is full of thoughts like “what the hell am I doing this for?”. Or sending out your songs to people and never hearing a THING back. Indifference. It’s a kind of quiet type of rejection that sneaks up on you rather than hitting you suddenly.

My solution to this one is a little different. Keep moving…keep putting one foot in front of the other. Let go of an expected outcome to ANYTHING. The fact is that when you’ve worked long and hard enough at it, the little rewards will start to come from unexpected places. If you are too busy looking for the obvious rewards, you might miss those other ones! They are really important, because they are the little bits of fuel that will keep you going when times are tough!

And one very last thing…remember why you write songs in the first place, and you’ll survive anything! Guaranteed 

IJ

The Theory of Relativity – Do People Relate To Your Songs?

 

© I.Woloshen

There was a question in the RMMS newsgroup recently about whether or not there are “too many” love songs out there. This lead me to thinking about the topics we choose to write about and how we choose them. Are there “too many” love songs?

When you think about the topic of love, there are at least a zillion ways of approaching it…okay, so a zillion is an exaggeration, but think about it for a moment. There’s the ‘falling in love’, the ‘unrequited love‘, the ‘love from a distance’, the ‘first time’, the ‘breakup’, ‘jealousy’, and on and on. So you can approach the subject from a whole bunch of angles and then some!

But the core reason that songwriters almost always have a whole bunch of love songs to their credit, is because it is a universal event or emotion that pretty much everybody can relate to on some level. We’ve all been there! And the subject of love itself is so BIG, that it is virtually impossible to say everything there is to say about it all in one song. Maybe what the original poster meant was that there are too many BAD love songs out there  From his viewpoint, that is!

Once you have come past the desire to simply express yourself and want to move onto the point of having other people hear your songs, your most IMPORTANT consideration will be whether or not people can relate to them. But don’t get it mixed up with the idea that you have to tell someone else’s story exactly how THEY remember it…you don’t necessarily have to second-guess everything you write! What you DO need to do is to write YOUR story, and tell it in the very best way you can. Do you know anything about Einstein’s Theory of Relativity?

Well, I’m certainly not going to go into some long-winded physics dissertation, but let me apply just a small part of it to songs…just as two people at two different physical locations view a moving train in two different ways, they will also hear your songs from different ‘places’. You will NEVER write a song that will relate in exactly the same way to EVERYBODY so don’t even try!! Each person has his/her own sieve of experience to process a song through. You will often be surprised when you hear what somebody “got” from listening to it, sometimes it is something that you had no idea you were saying!

The theory of relativity also applies to taste…now if I were a real scientist, I would guess that our physical makeup has something to do with how we hear music. We are ATTRACTED to certain sounds, notes, chords, voices, and instruments. Someone who listens to and loves jazz MAY have a different way of listening than someone who likes rap. Some people enjoy simple sounds, some love complex, some love all of it at once! I also believe that age and time often have an effect on our taste in music. But beyond that, think about the person who is listening to your song, and always take that into consideration when you get a reaction from them. Someone who hates country music will not like your country song, no matter HOW well it is written or performed. Your mother will LOVE everything you write because she loves YOU. That is a real lesson in “relativity” 

A person who just broke up with someone will probably not like your “I’m So In Love” song. At that point in their lifetime, it will likely be a complete turn-off. But that’s not your fault! It’s simply how they are able (or not able) to relate to your song. And it is also really important to understand the theory of relativity when you present your songs to other people. Your friends and family are NOT the measuring stick by which you should judge whether or not you’ve written a “great” song. Relatively speaking, they have an emotional connection to you that is difficult for them to separate themselves from. You wouldn’t want to play your soft and sensitive love song as an opening act for a metal band either  I mean, you might find a FEW fans, but you get what I mean  Understand your “target” audience and seek them out. Know who you are writing for (that includes yourself!), and you will more easily understand whether or not you are getting your message across. The other night, I played at a songwriter-in-the-round event. We were all very DIFFERENT writers and our in our audience were DIFFERENT listeners. But hell, we sure don’t all want to sound the same, do we?

So, in conclusion, the very best you can do is to write from your own experience or imagination and try to express that as clearly and as powerfully as you can, and look forward to the time when someone comes running up to you saying “how did you KNOW so much about me??”!

IJ

Rhymes – They’re Tricker Than You Think!

 © I.Woloshen

The main purpose of a rhyme in a lyric is simple…it gives the lyric a certain predictability that makes it memorable. In the oldest form of songwriting, folk, the idea was to relay a story that would be passed on from person to person. If I was to take a wild guess, it would be that someone came up with the idea of rhyming in order to remember the lines. Or, it could have been one of those “happy accidents” that make the whole process so much fun 

Either way, we all know how crucial rhyming can be to songwriting. In fact, one thing I notice most with newer songwriters is that they spend more time on the rhyme than they do on the reason  Does that make sense? Let’s look at it this way: when you have a word at the end of a line that you need to rhyme, do you think about the meaning of the song and the story you’re telling, or do you grab the rhyming dictionary and start looking for a word to rhyme it with? AHAH!!! Caught ya!

We all begin by using those predictable rhymes…moon/June, love/above, etc. The reason we resort to the most common rhymes is because they are what we’ve heard many times before, and because we simply don’t know enough words! In your first 50 lyrics, you are likely only repeating what you’ve heard rather than coming up with your own lyrical “voice”. This is why your lyrics feel so “cheesy”…they are OLD, they have been DONE BEFORE. In order to help you break out of that bad habit, let’s look at rhymes a little more closely.

RHYMING WORDS…First we’ll tackle the actual rhyming process. In songwriting, there are a number of ways to rhyme. The first and most common, is called a “perfect rhyme” at the end of a line. “Love” and “above” are perfect rhymes because they end with the same combination of letters in the last syllable. Some songwriters fervently avoid perfect rhymes, thinking that they are too easy and predictable, but there is nothing wrong with it as long as it is a new one! Ha! Well, you might have a hard time finding a “new” rhyme, but if you want to use one, look for uncommon words to rhyme. Also, consider using “double rhymes” where two syllables in a word rhyme (e.g. prediction, conviction), but don’t over-do it! The other less-taken path would be to rhyme something other than the last syllable (eg. carrot, caring).

The next kind of rhyme is an imperfect or near-rhyme. What other word could you use to rhyme with love that doesn’t end in “ove”, but has the same kind of sound? How about “enough” or “rough”? Because the “f” sound in “ough” is very close to the “ove” sound in “love”, it maintains the sound of a rhyme without being perfect. This is my favourite kind of rhyme 

RHYMING SCHEMES: Sometimes it is where you place the rhyme that makes the difference. We all know the predictable structure of rhyming every first and third, or second and fourth line in a lyric:

There is a man who looks like Truman Capote
He wears a slanted smile and a wide-brimmed hat
A little pigeon-toed, a lot eccentric
He gets a kick out of what he’s smiling at
(“Simple Life” Copyright © 2000 I. Woloshen SOCAN)

Here, the 2nd and 4th lines rhyme fairly simply with the words “hat” and “at”. Some people like to rhyme BOTH the 1st and 3rd and the 2nd and 4th line. To me, unless the lines are each longer, this can sometimes be overkill. However, you be the judge!

Another rhyme scheme might be in a song with a slightly different structure, say 5 lines in a verse instead of 4. You have lots of options here, but sometimes the line length really comes into play here. Think of a limerick structure for a moment:

There one was a man from Peru(A),
Who dreamed of eating his shoe(A),
He awoke with a fright (B),
In the middle of the night (B),
And found that his dream had come true! (A)

So, mapping out the rhyme scheme, we’ve got A, A, B, B, A. The 1st, 2nd and 5th lines rhyme and the 3rd and 4th do as well. The 3rd and 4th lines also have the same shorter length and (almost) number of syllables and same rhythm or meter, which is what makes the rhyming feel natural here. The rhyme scheme and the meter of a limerick is what makes it stand out.

Another way of rhyming is something called an “internal rhyme”. This is when there is a rhyme within a line of a lyric, not necessarily at the end of it. Here’s a sample:

There, where the rubber meets the road
You’ve got to make your decision
Before the trail goes cold
Cause the dust will settle
And the rust invade
If you sit too still, let it go to waste
(“Green Light” Copyright © 2000 I. Woloshen SOCAN)

The words “dust” and “rust” fall inside their respective lines, rather than on the end. Playing around with internal rhymes is fun…especially when you have one of those “happy accidents”. Boy, I’ve gotta write an article just about that! But back to the previous verse again…if you look at the overall rhyme scheme, the 1st and 3rd lines rhyme and the 5th and 6th. And the end rhymes are all imperfect…”road” and “cold”, “invade” and “waste”.

A third rhyme is something I’ve discovered in my own writing and have only rarely seen it in other lyrics…I call it a “Ghost Rhyme”, and so far I haven’t heard another term for it. This definitely is one of those “accidents” I was referring to. Take this example:

There is a woman, must be in her 90’s
She sells her pumpkins every Hallowe’en
She’s all bent over with the weight of something
And every year her crops the best I’ve seen
(“Simple Life” Copyright © 2000 I. Woloshen SOCAN)

When I wrote this verse, it wasn’t until I sang it that I noticed the “ghost rhyme”. Just try speaking the verse to yourself and tell me where you get a sense of a rhyme that doesn’t really exist!! If you comment below, I’ll tell you if you’re right!

But before you go, REMEMBER to NEVER sacrifice your content for a rhyme…the story will ALWAYS be more important than how well you rhyme a verse!!

IJ